What is "the overflow room?"
Alternative titles include “What does it all mean?” “Who could it be now?” and "It'll pass"
When I was trying to come up with a name for this publication you’re ready right now (again, thank you), I knew I had to try my best to avoid overthinking it. I hate brainstorming, and I knew if I mulled for too long, I’d end up naming this after a pop song with sad lyrics, which felt too predictable, even for me. I wanted to name it something that vaguely described what it is, and for some reason, the word “overflow” popped into my head.
I googled “overflow room” to see if anything significant shared the name, and I found that many of the search results were linked to Christian churches. This makes perfect sense, as I grew up going to church nearly every Sunday, and the vernacular has been seared onto my brain. Overflow is where folks went when the main sanctuary was filled, essentially standing room only. Inside the overflow room, you would find a bunch of extra chairs from the sanctuary squeezed into the tiny space, with a little TV playing the sermon. The vibes were always pretty chill.
I named this blog the overflow room because I want it to be the place where all my extra feelings go when there’s not enough space at the forefront of my mind. When I was in counseling, I used to write random thoughts that plagued me on post-it notes, fold the notes over, and stick them in my journal, to be opened and examined with a licensed professional at my regular time of Tuesdays at 6:30 pm. This blog replaces the post-it notes and the extra chairs squeezed into the tiny room with the TV and the chill vibes.
My favorite scene in Fleabag is the flashback to the title character’s mother’s funeral. If you haven’t seen Fleabag, this is all a minor spoiler, but also...I’m not sure what you’re doing with your time. Watch Fleabag!
Fleabag is getting herself together after the burial. Crying, she says “I don’t know what to do with it” to her best friend, Boo. “With all the love I have for her. I don’t know where to put it now.” Boo cheerfully responds, “I’ll take it. No, I’m serious. It sounds lovely. I’ll have it.” From all we’ve seen of the show, we have to know this is precisely what Fleabag does. She attempts to transfer the love she has for one person onto another, as she has no idea what to do otherwise. And Boo takes this love gladly.
I could go on about my love for Fleabag and Phoebe Waller-Bridge’s incredible ability to make you feel immense dread, so deep that it shakes your bones (maybe in another newsletter?), but this scene, in particular, is the one that stays with me. It’s a dilemma I’ve run into time and time again. When the relationship ends, by way of death, or convenience, or any other means, where does the love go? What are we supposed to do with it?
I’ve seen attempts at figuring out what to do with love once it no longer has a home, within yourself or within whomever else you decided to give a chunk of your heart to. Some people put all that stuff (the love, the memories, the ticket stubs, the receipts) in a box and ship it across the sea, hoping it’ll never be seen again. Some people replace the feeling of love with pure, unadulterated anger, at least until all feelings subside and you’re able to move on without thinking of the other person with every step you take. Some people attempt to hold onto all of the love all at the same time, letting it course through your body without any boundaries, though that might be the most painful way to go.
I’ve done all of these things. Even in Fleabag, she immediately has a solution, which she employs as long as she can. Getting another person to absorb the love you felt so deeply for someone else might not sound like the answer, but it is an answer, at the very least.
It’s easiest for me to conceptualize how my cup runneth over with feelings using love as an example because that’s the one we all know. Even if we don’t think we know it, or if we feel so far away from it that we’re not sure we’d recognize it, I believe we all understand love on some instinctive level. There are books, songs, television shows and more, all about love. We spend our lives looking for it, developing it within ourselves, giving it to others. There’s so much of it. I can’t keep track of it.
I’m never sure what to do with my excess of emotions. I have so many of them, and so many of them pertain to love. It’s no secret that I love pretty easily, and it’s definitely gotten me into trouble. I’ve spent the larger half of my life letting all the feelings cascade over me, knock me over, and wash me back onto shore. But now I’m a little bit wiser. I don’t try to control the tide; instead I watch it vigilantly and try my best to learn something from each wave.
So, that’s what I mean by the overflow room. This will be where I compartmentalize, reframe, reformat, and stow away all of the excess feelings. I’m hopeful that I can convert my thoughts into wine good enough for all of you to drink. We’re still ramping up here, but I’m excited about where we’re going.
As always, please leave me a note if you have anything at all to say. I treasure each comment and piece of feedback I get.
Until next time, I love you!
Great second piece. I definitely resonated with the difficulty of trying to figure out where the feelings go once the relationship is over. I've experienced this is romantic relationships, but I think it has hit me the hardest with my friendships. When I sense it is time to let a friendship go, it is so much harder at times. But the reasons I would relinquish a friendship are similar to that of a romantic relationship: it's no longer serving me. I'm curious if you thought of friendships in this reflection because often we see the two as distinctive, but I would argue they have more similarities than we give them credit. Love you.